前辈
Having lived in China for 5+ years I have certainly seen and experienced my fair share of what life has to offer there. However, there are still many customs and aspects of Chinese culture that I'm struggling with. There is one in particular that has been on my mind lately.
I think even in Western culture we are all familiar with the phrase "respect your elders". Pretty straight-forward, right? As the younger generation, we have much we can learn from those who have been here longer than us. I for one am more than happy to open the door for grandma or grandpa, or generally look out for other elders in our communities. However, this relationship between age groups goes far deeper in Asian culture, affecting the language you use to address others younger or older than you, and it is culturally built into the hierarchy of society.
From the surface it seems simple enough; talking to someone in a position of authority or an expert in a field we might refer to them as 老师(teacher), our older friends and colleagues as 哥or姐（older brother or sister). However, in the world of business and egos I have found it's a whole other story.
Two years ago I opened a company with two Chinese Taiwanese business partners, a producer based in Taipei and my manager at the time based in Beijing. They had approached me after a falling out with a previous studio I was working with in Beijing, expressing interest in making an album with me. Traditionally, an artist would sign to a label or with a producer, however, as I was equally involved in funding and the production of the album, I proposed we open a company as equal partners and combine our skill sets to form a long-term working relationship. At first everything ran smoothly; I had written the 10 songs for the album, steadily growing my social media presence. My manager was looking for opportunities to market the album through various collaborations and performances, with the Taipei-based producer recording and organising the production of the music.
It was only when we ran into setbacks and problems that I quickly discovered things weren't quite as equal as I had imagined. Being a foreigner aside, I often found my different viewpoints disregarded because I was younger than them; that I did not understand how things worked and that my disagreeing with them was disrespectful. For a time I gave them the benefit of the doubt. However, as tensions built, with little profits to be seen and no sign of improvement, it became clear that things were not going to work out. I’m sure a significant amount of this was simply gaslighting, the two of them trying to gain an upper hand in the situation, yet in the last couple of years I have seen this over and over again, especially in the music industry, which is notorious for taking advantage of younger talent.
On the other hand I have seen many benefits from this phenomenon as well. In healthy relationships I often observe students building comparatively far more intimate relationships with their mentors, and in turn mentors investing many resources and time bonding with and developing their students. Running into other producers and musicians instead of asking “where did you study music?” (unless of course they are a Berkeley graduate which you can be certain they won’t let you miss) you will often hear stories of another producer that they worked with or someone who took them under their wing, allowing them to find their footing in this entertainment world.
In a relationship where the balance of power is tilted, respect is often a difficult concept to manage, however there is one thing my dad taught me long ago that I think holds true in any relationship: "Respect is earned not given". Regardless of whether you are the big record label exec or a new artist coming on to the scene, don’t think because of your success or talent you are owed something by people who you see as less than you. Everyone is on their own journey and we have something to learn from everyone we meet, as expressed by Eric Allen, “Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude.”
Not hearing any of it.........
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