Struggling with identity as a foreigner in China
作為一位外國人，我如何去適應中國的生活?
I wanted for so many years, nothing more than to fit in – only to find out that embracing who I am was all I needed to do.
在北京生活很多年了，我覺得我一直想要如何去適應的，就是怎麼做我自己，也同時能讓我自己去追求我想要做的事…
Moving to a new country is not always easy! Whether you find the concept exciting or terrifying, a new environment, culture, sometimes a different language and a whole new “way of doing things” – it can be a lot to take in. I have certainly faced many challenges on my adventures throughout China and Taiwan, but the thing that was always gnawing at the back of my mind was – where do I fit in here?
我知道，離鄉背井到異地生活並不容易！來到一個新的環境，它的好壞、文化及語言交流等，全對我來說即將會是一個截然不同的生活方式去應對一切。雖然過程中我經歷了不少的困難與挑戰，但有一件事值得讓我去認真想想的，那就是…我應該怎麼去融入這邊的生活呢？
There has, of course, always been the obvious language barrier. Before I moved to Beijing I had a solid two years of Chinese classes under my belt, which gave me a great foundation. However I later found out, along with the many local accents, my “classroom Chinese” had an enormous gap to close. My first year in Beijing was by no means smooth sailing. Simple things like online purchasing and food delivery were always a challenge. I came to dread the phone call from my delivery man, with his local, thick “Dongbei” accented – as I struggled desperately to decode where my package was going to end up.
那當然了，語言不通確實是一個很頭痛的問題。在我還沒搬家到北京前我已在大學裡副修了兩年的中文基礎課。但沒想到來了北京以後我才發現，原來這裡還有好多來自各地不同方言與口音的朋友。跟上課時學的普通話差的太多了。
曾經有一件簡單的事—上網訂外賣。對方(送餐員)與我聯繫時，他說的那個地道東北腔，就折磨了我老半天，為的就只是想跟我確認我所在的地址，才能把包裹給我。
There were also the much more complicated situations that came along with being a public figure/musician and building a career. The music industry is difficult enough in the Western world, without having to read contracts and discuss collaborations in an unfamiliar language. As you can expect, I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I tried to treat every opportunity as a learning experience.
China, due to its history and culture, has a very homogeneous society. It’s easy to forget that up until 40 or so years ago, China was essentially closed to most of the world. Because of this, many foreigners in China have a very different experience to those living in other westernised countries.
由於中國有著獨特的文化與歷史，所以這裡大部分的人民都過著同質化的生活。沒記錯的話大約四十年前，中國對外界也還算是個「封閉」國家。正因為這些原因，讓許多外國人都發現在中國的生活體驗相比在其他歐美國家的。。。真的是天壤之別。
我選擇留在這裡發展音樂事業，也非常辛苦。音樂界在歐美市場的發展已算是相當困難了，更何況我來到中國還必須用破中文來討論合作業務，包括學習看中文合約等等。可以想象一下每當我在做這些事情時，我都會犯錯。不過我還是很把握每一項合作機會，也把它們當作是學習。
Ironically, as my Mandarin improved, this gap in culture and way of thinking became more and more transparent. I quickly grew to hate the word “foreigner” 外国人 in Chinese because it became my first and foremost identity to anyone I would meet. Instead of a simple “Nice to meet you”, I would face the growingly repetitive barrage of, “Wow, your Chinese is so good for a foreigner, where are you from?” (As a tall white guy, this was often followed by the assumption I was from the United States). There was also the classic, “Do you teach English?” Just walking down the street, you would often hear people whispering to their friend or a small, slightly less discreet child pointing you out to their mother. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is very friendly and often quite enthusiastic. But when you have been living somewhere for five years, in a place you consider as a second home, it slowly starts to drain you. What used to be often quite flattering curiosity begins to form an impenetrable barrier, where you feel you will always just be a foreigner and outsider, nothing more.
日子久了，我的中文慢慢進步以後，另一件令我尷尬的趣事開始發生了…
當時的我已經入鄉隨俗，對當地的文化也有一定的了解了。我開始對“老外”這個稱號感到有些莫名其妙，有點厭倦、也有一點不自然…
打個比方吧！每當結識新朋友時，他們的反應並不是 “你好哦！很高興認識你！”，而是“哇！你中文說的好好哦！你來自哪裡呀？”（由於我個子高，所以很多華人經常誤會我是來自美國的小哥哥。
第二，我也常常被人提問“你來這裡教英文嗎？
有時走在街上，正因為我是一個老外所以有不少的路人就會對我望一眼然後一邊絲絲細語地談論著我。還有一些小朋友見到了我也會驚訝的跟媽媽說“看！有外國人！”。哈哈…
其實我說的這些並不是壞事，只是我覺得當地人對外國人的那種熱情和好奇…有時候那些反應真的有點太誇張了，哈哈。
試想想吧，對於一個已在北京生活五年的外國人，經常會面對的這些問題，難道我在他們的眼裡就真的像是個剛來到中國的外國人嗎？
For a long time I thought the best way was to alter my mindset to become and communicate more like the locals. I immersed myself in my environment to better understand the culture, even taking a few history classes with a local school teacher. I certainly learnt a lot, but it still didn’t change the way I felt.
It was after a rather traumatic fallout with a friend and unravelling of a business collaboration that I slowly started to realise my mistake and came closer to the answer I was searching for.
自從與一位工作夥伴退出合作之後我開始發覺自己的中文學習方式有些錯誤，於是我決定好好想想怎麼去尋找對的方法來改變自己。
為了讓自己能像當地人一樣流利的使用中文交流，我決定沉浸在他們的世界裡，希望能更了解中國的文化。我甚至還請教當地的學校老師給我上了幾堂歷史課… 雖然我學會了很多，但仍然還是無法擺脫我這個外國人身份的“尷尬”。
In trying to become something that I’m not, it became confusing for others and often came across as disingenuous despite being from the best of intentions. I even had a previous business partner say to me, “I don’t know if I should treat you as a foreigner or as a Chinese person”, which I suppose is where the root of the problem lies.
The simple answer is be yourself and honestly speak your mind. I think we have a lot to learn from others and different cultures. As we better our own understanding and show respect to the place and people we are surrounded by, it builds these connections of compassion and understanding. But it is our own experiences and our own morals that make us who we are.
So the reality is I am a foreigner, and that is something I should be proud of. It means I have something that is different, something to share.
Heck, after all this time away from home, I’ll probably be considered a little foreign there too.
總之我再怎麼努力做得更好，我還是覺得自己
在這個族群中總顯得有些格格不入，就算我對這文化付出了不少的誠意…記得有一位同事對我說：“認識你這麼久了，但有時候我真不知道該把你當成是外國人還是華人啊！哈哈。”我想這就是我想表達一個外國人在異地生活的一種尷尬吧。
簡單來說吧，就是做自己就好，心想著要做什麼就去做就是了…
我個人覺得，來到不同的環境生活就是應該如何去學習別人的文化和習俗，學習理解並尊重他們。因為這樣可以建立我們與他人之間的一種友好關係。
雖然現實中的我在華人朋友圈裡是一個外國人，但這也是令我非常自豪的一件事，因為不一樣的我就會有不一樣的文化事物可以跟大家分享呀！
噢！離開紐西蘭那麼久了，對那邊的親朋好友們來說我可能也像個外國人吧
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